Jezebel reported that Taylor won’t sign a prenup because it’s unromantic. Whether her marriage (if it happens) will last or not depends upon what she means by romantic.
If she means romantic as an ideal love bubble, she’s in trouble. However, I am reminded of my favorite quote by Alfred Adler: “The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.”
In one sense a prenuptial agreement can be viewed as a lack of trust in the partner. In another, it can imply a lack of commitment, hedging your bets.
A prenuptial agreement can reflect a lack of trust in yourself. In the boxing world, Bernard Hopkins famously bet $100,000 on himself in a fight against Felix Trinidad. What would it take for you to bet everything on yourself? How much would it be worth to you to actually believe in yourself? I dare say it can be worth everything, even if you lose, to know you really fought.
If someone asks you for a prenuptial agreement, tell them they can have everything you own right now, and if they don’t apologize, leave and don’t turn back. This is neither practical nor sober, but it might be worth it in a world where very little else is.
I’m not saying marriage should be this serious for you, or even that it is good. However, it can be this way. And if it isn’t, then I hope you find something else that is. If you do have something else that is this important to you, then that is a very good reason for a prenuptial agreement.
Being able to talk about the possibility of a future separation can be a good demonstration of maturity – akin to being able to talk about money, sex, family and other adult responsibilities. However, what people ultimately feel is fair cannot be decided in advance. Moral feelings supervene on actions, what others actually do. The prenup is an effort to preempt this, ironically, to commit to something that may not feel fair in the future. The value of this I suppose depends on how much you trust yourself and how you think your emotions represent the reality of your experience.
The possibility for the romance of marriage in the 21st century is to acknowledge that dreams aren’t real, but that awake, you can dream nonetheless. No commitment, no promise, no obligation exists without your living into them. Marriage is not and never was sacred, but the good news is that you already always are.