Jockey is running an add campaign where for a limited time you get a free pair of underwear in exchange for your soul and $22.50. Understanding your reaction to the commercial might make you a better person. We’ll also talk about what has more broadly become known as body-work in therapy.
Ignore the music and most of what she says. Her dancing in her knickers, playing with firefighting equipment and the emotions displayed only make sense in terms of a relationship to someone who is watching. Not in terms of the audience, but in terms of in whose watchful presence would her actions and emotions make sense? My answer is of course her boyfriend, or more specifically, someone who represents the loving gaze of a father who is proud of his exuberant daughter innocently enjoying her body through play.
Which is exactly what body positivity is all about, and exactly how people become ashamed of their bodies and sexuality (i.e. sensual pleasure you feel bad about) in the first place. Jockey is selling freedom from shame, which unfortunately comes from somebody else, not you, and not Jockey. They are selling the lie of positive attention, which the knickers will help you imagine for a while and then experience as a loss. Because, after all, a product is not a relationship.
Freud first identified that most over-stuffed of terms, libido, as early as 1894. While the concept morphed throughout the years it is best understood as that embodied, enlivening sense of warm buzzing sensual pleasure which has been popularly understood as explicitly sexual. Freud and his concepts of neurosis, hysterical symptoms, the preceding generations neurasthenias, and the modern day notion of psycho-somatic symptoms trace their lineage of the embodied nature of emotion and its suppression.
The libidinous enjoyment of ones body was expanded by psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich (Freud-Sadger-Reich lineage) and his Orgone Energy. It was later carried on by the bodywork therapy of his analysand and trainee Alexander Lowen. It grew to more broadly influence the work of somatic therapeutic modalities such as Rolfing (with Fritz Pearls), the Alexander Method for musicians and actors, Hannah Somatics, and the somatic method of Moshe Feldenkrais. Recent neurological trauma oriented therapies such as Peter Levine’s Trauma Releasing Exercises and David Bercelli’s work broadly incorporate similar incites: Healthy, happy people experience themselves, their emotions, and their body as one virbrant holistic embodied experience – not as diffuse disconnected stimuli. Emotional problems, when they occur, always manifest in physical symptoms because emotions themselves are physical.
For a brief experiment on this yourself pick two objects – one you consider important, the other you consider unimportant. Find some quiet private time for this and then hold and observe the objects in turn. Attend to the feelings in your body, whatever they may be, and consider the koan “How do i know this is important and this is not?” You will notice the body pattern of whatever emotions you have associated with the object. It may include warmth, buzzing, tension or relaxation feelings. There is some way you know, experientially, that one object is important and the other.
This is the beginning of the bodywork approach to dealing with psychology – trying to locate, experience more intensely, and understand.
Primitive original emotions, called affects, are experienced by infants and even animals to some degree. The best modern writers on this subject are Joseph Lichtenberg, Silvin Tomkins and a curious volume by Joseph M. Jones called Affect as Process which among other things considers primitive emotions as a form of non-verbal communication, later subsumed by language to greater or lesser degrees of success. Your body is a system of language and physical emotions which represents the external world, lines of reasoning which match well with Lacan, but to the best of my knowledge have not been explored elsewhere. To the intersubjectivists this means that our emotional affects communicate directly to the neurology of other humans in our presence through the tonus of our nervous system in a way that, contra Freud, is not purely imaginary. It’s the language of the unconscious.
Show ’em what’s underneath is a clever double entendre. It’s about exposure of the self through exposure of the body – the validation of the one being inseparable from the validation of the other. I would assert that feeling sexy means the sense of being secure experiencing bodily pleasure and joy in the gaze of another. * In the case of this actress, it is her father (by metaphor). Do you really think it is a coincidence that the marketers chose to cast someone speaking about her father?
What prevents their targeted customer from experiencing this desirable feeling of vicarious love is a sense of shame – the painful withdrawal of the desire for recognition – which of course, belonged to most girls fathers who at some point became uncomfortable with their daughters and experienced shame in their presence which they could not talk about (and indeed may not even consciously be aware of).
In a metaphor, the relationship with the father was no longer a safe place to feel sensual pleasure (the enjoyment of ones free play, and the feeling that it brought joy to others). The way this happens is that young children naturally enjoy the embodied (emotional and phsyical well being) experience of sensual pleasure – feeling at home in ones body. Adults identify with this experience (by which I literally mean feel the same pleasure in their body through the process of empathy) and infer or project, depending on your philosophy, even if only unconsciously, that children are experiencing sexual pleasure. The difference between “sensual” and “sexual” is of course one word…shame. This empathy produces shame in the adult which they then take out on the child in a variety of ways. Mostly this occurs as shaming them for enjoying touch or being naked. The tragic part is that nobody can talk about it and thus nobody knows what happened or how to find a new home for the feeling.
To whit: Jockey hopes that the affect the actress is feeling will trigger an emotional resonance with potential customers that will convince them unconsciously they can have access to these feelings, too: Pride – the safe sense of being the positive center of attention.
Notice the girl is a “safe” bet in this fashion: Pretty, but not a model – blue collar, yet with an “heroic” occupation. She is a safe person to admire to without triggering jealousy, which would ruin the whole game.
The real money for viewers is if this commercial makes you feel resentful of her, Jockey, women in general, the media, or anything else. You should consider this possibly as a rejection of the pride she is demonstrating. This could be your own shame, it’s what happens to adults with their children, and it is what unconsciously ruins your life because everyone else who sees you with this reaction already knows the truth about you. What’s going on is not ok with you because you are not ok with it. Blaming the media ignores the reality which is that you are still not enjoying the show and it’s their fault that you are not ok.
If you really want better relationships you have to get to the place where you can enjoy watching someone who is happy to have your positive attention.
Don’t make them hide from you.
*Note: My definition ignores the role of aggression, which is traditionally considered part of this dynamic, but which I consider a later, common but unnecessary development reaction.